Owning a potbelly pig is frowned upon almost as much as being a Christian." You do know that ferrets are illegal in the state of California? Hmm? No, well then I suppose you also don't know that potbelly pigs have been wildly unfashionable since 2005. To potential Christian incubees pitching an animal-centric startup: "Well, cyborg, fuck you, you fucking metal-dick piece of shit." Helping Richard come up with a cyborg insult after Cyborg Jared played Pied Piper: It doesn't take an IQ-9 to know they should remain alphabetized." "If I have to, I'm going to keep my fucking Star Blazers VHS tapes in my room.
One of you is the least-attractive person I've ever seen. In fact, what I think I'm seeing is the human equivalent of a flaccid penis." "Do you care about Pied Piper? Because if you do, I'm not seeing it. With the pants, so I guess it's a whole thing. "Here's my concern: who the hell picked out that shirt for you? Oh, I see. It's awful, it looks like harlequin Kama Sutra done poorly. To potential Pied Piper funders, trying to neg them: And Gilfoyle, and now you… By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me." Think about it: this is the life she chooses. Why Tara might be into you more than me: she's attracted to ugliness. "I just figured it out - it all makes sense. Justifying Tara's alleged attraction to Dinesh: "Wait, are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle for a Danish, and maybe you misheard her?" Upon learning of Tara's alleged attraction to Dinesh: "Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from? I mean, I'd have sex with that - if you hosed the Gilfoyle off of her." What does that mean? All tatted up and nowhere to go?"Īlso in reference to Gilfoyle's girlfriend, Tara: "Can you imagine what kind of shitshow this one's gonna be? He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe. In reference to Gilfoyle's girlfriend, Tara: When touring a potential Pied Piper office, which is in the process of being vacated: You have a world-class showman standing right in front of you. Respectfully… respectfully, you're terrible. Upon learning he won't present Pied Piper in the TechCrunch Disrupt finals: "I'll sort of close right here in the center with the confidence and poise, well, they probably wouldn't have seen up until this point." Trying to intimidate the competition at TechCrunch Disrupt: I'll curb-stomp that little face so hard that your teeth will go flying, you little shit!" "Which one was it? It was Church Candy, wasn't it? You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little cunt. When confronting a bully half his size and age: But when it comes to audio and video files, they might as well be called Dripbox." That's why cloud-based is the Holy Grail. "Today's user wants access to all their files, from all of their devices, instantly.
To the late Peter Gregory, making a case for Pied Piper's innovative tech: … You offering me a position on this board and reneging it is a perfect example of you having no vision, no balls, and no game." "Do you remember this particular dickbag I got on video? Because you did. "What is that atrocity? What are we, an Irish pornography company?"Īfter Richard tries to get Erlich off the Pied Piper board: So guys like that are gonna keep coming around. "Let me explain something to you: your whole life you've been an ugly chick, but now suddenly you're a hot chick with big tits and small nipples. What it's like when he tells people to be skeptical: We'll call you when we want pleated khakis." To Jared, after learning of his intent to leave Hooli for Pied Piper: "You just disappeared up your own asshole, you know that?" In response to Richard calling Steve Jobs a codeless poser: You guys are standing around drinking shrimp and talking about what cum tastes like." There's $40 billion of net worth walking around this party. "Kid Rock is the poorest person here - apart from you guys. When Erlich sees his incubees not taking advantage of a networking opportunity:
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